Conflict Fuels More Conflict
Conflict is always multi-dimensional. One thing cannot be in conflict with itself, there must be opposing parties, opposing views, opposing thoughts in order for conflict to exist. Conflict arises from resistance: two or more opposing views actively resisting one another and fighting to see who will prevail. The conflict only stops being conflict when one side stops resisting entirely. In an argument, for example, the true conflict does not end as soon as the verbal argument stops unless one person fully and completely stops resisting the other, both externally and internally. If the verbal argument ceases, but one side still resents the other or the argument continues in the mind, the conflict is sustained. This is where the struggle between ego and peace of mind truly presents itself.
As human beings, we are constantly confronted with the conflict of our individual egos. Our egos are not always instinctively associated with negativity: they can encourage us to fight for what we believe, resist that which does not serve us, and give us a sense of self-worth. However, the danger of the ego is that the sense of self-worth that it gives us is based entirely in the external, material world. If your self-worth is determined by the way others perceive you or how strongly you hold your ground when faced with conflict, you will constantly have to fight to maintain your own dignity and peace of mind.
Think about that statement: fighting to maintain peace. Clearly, there is something wrong here. Peace of mind cannot be attained through conflict or resistance. Just as conflict can only be sustained through more conflict, only peace can give rise to peace. Only through acceptance (full, complete, selfless, unconditional acceptance) can true peace of mind be realized. Try to remember the last time you “won” an argument. Whether the conflict lasted only a few minutes or as long as a decade, you probably felt a deep sense of pride and accomplishment at having “won” by convincing the conflicting party to stop resisting your view. The conflict ceased and you were left with temporary peace of mind and relaxation… at least until the next conflict arose and then whole cycle started all over again. This is how so many of us live our lives. We cling to an idea or a thought or a belief, we fight through every waking moment of our lives to defend it or convince others to adopt it, and are only able to relax once we successfully defend this idea, thought, or belief. Why should we have to go through so much struggle just to find that peace? If the peace comes before and after the conflict, why can’t we just take out the middle man and prevent the conflict from happening in the first place? How? Stop resisting.
Only Peace Creates Peace
If you take a step back from your own psyche, your own thoughts, and your own actions for a moment, you will find that most of the arguments in which you engage end up having no real effect on your life. Aside from the empty promise of a momentary ego boost, the things you fight for and argue about are only there to fuel the fire of conflict. Let go of your attachments to certain thoughts and philosophies. Allow yourself to be influenced by the world around you by accepting many different viewpoints. No reasonable person believes just one thing, adheres to just one philosophy, engages in just one activity. This is no way to live. Life is meant to be experienced. Every time we resist something, we are closing ourselves off from a new and exciting experience; we are robbing ourselves of life.
So, the next time you find yourself in a conflict (whether it is a conflict between yourself and another person or simply a conflict between two opposing thoughts in your own mind), take a step back. Distance yourself from the conflict for a moment, take a deep breath, and decide whether defending this particular topic or idea is worth sacrificing your peace of mind. What you’ll find is that, most of the time, the answer is no.
Up Your Asana 